Sometimes Love Songs Send The Wrong Messages

couple in love on rooftop at night

Love songs. They’re amazing aren’t they? They encapsulate all the feelings and emotions that we go through when we’re in (and out of) love with people. And then they set them to music, so we can experience those emotions in new and different ways.

There are the upbeat songs that remind us how it feels to fall in love. There are the remorseful songs that remind us how it feels to lose that love – either through a relationship failing or the loss of said loved one. And what better time to enjoy these songs than Valentines Day.

Oh, speaking of which, I just so happen to have a friend that creates personalised gifts for special occasions.

Anyway, let’s get back on topic.

There’s been something bugging me for a while now about a lot of the music I used to listen to. And I’ve finally figured out what it was. There’s too much emphasis placed on making the other person out to be more important in a relationship than what should really matter – YOU.

I’m not saying the person you fall in love with shouldn’t become an incredibly important part of your life, but when you lose sight of yourself, then it’s gone too far.

Let me explain using some well known songs:

The Love Songs with Bad Messages

Bears Den – Agape

For I’m so scared of losing you
And I don’t know what I can do about it, about it
So tell me how long, love, before you go
And leave me here on my own
I know that, I don’t wanna know
Who I am without you

Wow. It’s great to listen to but this guy has made one huge mistake with this sentence – “I don’t wanna know who I am without you“.

You SHOULD want to know who you are without someone else. Isn’t the point of our existence to be the best of ourselves? Not to idolise someone else to the point of forgetting who we are.

Learning about ourselves is such an interesting thing because at every stage of our lives we can become different people. We can overcome our fears, learn new languages, train our bodies to achieve things we never thought possible. But if we instead spend it gazing at the person we’re in love with and only seeing their achievements, then we run the risk of never finding out who we truly are.

I guess it’s easier for someone like me that has been through relationships, both good and bad, and is able to see that no matter what happens, you WILL be fine on the other side, but you will find it easier to move on if you don’t make the relationship all about the other person. Know who you are and what you bring to the team.

Fleetwood Mac – Everywhere

Oh, I
I want to be with you everywhere
(Wanna be with you everywhere)

Nope. NOOOOO. Do not EVER say that you want to be with the person you love EVERYWHERE.

Have some self respect. Keep some space between you. Because being that clingy will lead to the other person being ‘suffocated’ by your constant presence. And when you cling to someone too tight, it will inevitably lead to them needing space. And that then makes them question the whole situation and more than likely they’re going to leave you.

LeAnn Rimes – How Do I Live

How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kinda life would that be
Oh I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You’re my world, my heart, my soulIf you ever leave
Well, baby you would take away everything good in my life

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live

Ouch. Not only was this a truly painful song to listen to (it’s really awful), but the words are horrific. I mean we’re into some stalker-level nonsense now. This is the kind of person who is going to be a real problem if you ever break up with them. I could have quoted the entire songs lyrics but I couldn’t be bothered wasting the space on this page because every line is as terrible as the one before it.

Come on LeAnn, have some self-respect. Answer your own questions:
“How do I live without you?” It’s pretty easy. You wake up in the morning, brush your teeth and put your underpants on, have some breakfast and go to work. Or not, if it’s weekend.

“If I had to live without you, what kinda life would that be?” – Well let me help you out. It will be just fine! Yeah sure, you’ll probably get less sex for a week or two while you’re in the mopey stage, but once you cheer up then you’ll head out to a few bars, get drunk and hook up with someone and be back on the horse, or off the wagon or whatever the saying is.

Then once you’ve had your rebound, then you get on with normal life. It’s fine, seriously. There’s 8 billion people on this planet and you think the one you’re in a relationship with is the only one that’s right for you?! Get a grip.

The Love Songs with Good Messages

Lauv – I Like Me Better

I like me better when I’m with you
I like me better when I’m with you
I knew from the first time, I’d stay for a long time,
’cause I like me better when, I like me better when I’m with you

When you find someone really special, then they do tend to help you develop into a better version of yourself. We all have some little quirks in our personalities and behaviours, some bad habits etc. But when you meet someone you really like, many of us tend to improve, cut out those habits and improve who we are. And that’s a really GOOD thing.

It’s kind of like moving from a job you don’t like to one you do. You’re more motivated because you suddenly the new job makes you happy and you feel like every part of it is worth your energy.

This one song carries a much better message about our sense of self and a more healthy way to look at relationships. Lauv has captured a healthy relationship in just a couple of sentences.

“I like me better when I’m with you” – this is great. He’s telling the other person that they’re the reason he’s a better person and likes himself more because of them.
“I’d stay for a long time” – Instead of the overly ambitious “We’ll be together forever” type of love song statement, he goes for the realistic “stay for a long time”. And that is healthy. Because nobody really knows what the future holds.

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The Band Camino – For a While

Seasons change but people don’t
Oh, and I know you won’t
But at least you’re honest
At least you’re honest

It’s okay, it’s alright
I don’t mind wasting time, I’ll be fine
Hide my heart, how I feel
And pretend this is real for a while

This is more like it. Great song, realistic lyrics. This chap knows what he’s getting into and what the likely outcome is and even better, he knows that he’ll be fine after it. It might hurt a bit, but if you know that and are still willing to get involved then fair play to all competitors.

Just don’t change your mind later.

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